i'm hopeless

I just met the female gayest lecturer on the planet. I thought I'd be running in the ER with a lock jaw because of her floor-rolling intonation. Aside from all the jokes, IMCI, and all the booze, she mentioned stuffs that are really disturbing. It's something that i don't want to think about as much as I can especially when I'm not at home.

First is ofcourse my endless clash with my mother. Yup! I stack loads of grudge before I finally explode like some medieval time bomb. She injected part of the ten commandments, that part about honoring thy father and mother and you will be blessed. I am so done! Maybe i won't even pass the board exam just because of my big air-filled head plus my eccentric sometimesstubborn-sometimesbehave personality. Oh well, You can't blame me. Try making every effort to please your parents and getting reprisal in return just because I couldn't remain still at home sometimes READ: SOMETIMES. I'm at home often and the only time I get to feel the fresh air and some serene atmosphere is when Jayson takes me out for dinner or when I'm out having coffee with friends, or just me taking some solitary random stroll around the metro.
Sorry ma, although I love you which I sometimes say out loud to you, I think part of me still dodge from your overprotective arms to protect my ego and self-esteem. I can't be hurt by you all over again. Since time immemorial upto this time, I am sick of being compared to other people.

I am not as talented as my cousins
Not even a quarter of an inch prettier than them
I'm not as smart
Nor as lucky

maybe I'm just me.

And there's nothing you nor I can do about it.

But one thing is for sure. I am happy and content with myself and I will never allow you to step into the castle which I have built deep in my heart over the years again. I'm sorry