I have to thank God for...

1. Graduate na ako! Yipee!
2. ... and I took the board nah..hahayy.. Thank you God!
3. Thank you God for keeping my family healthy all year.
4. Mama and papa are doing well in Japan. thank you God!
5. Thank you din po for introducing people in my life whether they brought me luck or misfortune with lessons din naman.
6. I have every I needed and more. Thank you.
7.Thank you God for Jayson♥
8. Thank you for my friends and for my loving relatives
9.Thank you for keeping us away from disasters and crime
10. .. and thank you for what you're gonna do to me for the year ahead...

Thank you God!

new year's resolution

Syempre dahil malapit nang matapos ang taon.. kailangan gumawa ng new year's resolution... i know.. i know.. I won't be able to do all these things. but atleast I have a blueprint for next year!

1. look for a lucrative job here or abroad. ASAP
2. Keep Jayson♥
3. sport my untamed natural curls next year no matter what happened!
4. if I could, i would love to lose myself in a foreign land ...and find my way back home thereafter
5. Be extra extra nicer to my siblings.
6. Be extremely patient with mama.
7. stay fit and healthy. Jedai please eat what you should and not what you could
8. Promise to attend mass every Sunday! whether @ EFC or @ San Pedro church
9. Throw all the clutters at home especially inside my cabinet
10. Keep life simple. What matters is I am happy and that I make other people happy in the process as well.

Dear God, Thank you for the year that was and for the new year ahead. I promise to make the most out of it. I love you and I continue to praise you.. muwah! xoxo

*breathes out a long sigh of relief*

I don't know if this couple is reading my blog but I'm positive *I assume* they are not. See I said YES to Jayson the same day Hannah (our friend) accepted Charles (our friend also) as her boyfriend after months of courtship, much like the way it was with Jayson and I. and we always greet each other every 19th day of the month.. in short we will have the same anniversary if both our relationships last atleast a year... but last October they broke up and we never heard any news about it. No phonecalls, no texts, no maybe-we-can-talk-so-you-can-stitch it up-after-this, nothing... and it scares the hell out of me. What if July 19 is cursed? What if its not a good date after all? What if we end up the same as them? I console myself with the fact that Marion's parents are celebrating their own anniversary that very same day and they are still happily married together... maybe it wasn't cursed after all.. maybe I'm just being my old paranoid self...

I shrugged the thought off my head but it keeps creeping into my subconsciousness. I know I shouldn't believe in all that crap but when you grow up with relatives hailing fung shui in every way, you can't help but doubt. I heaved a long sigh of relief this afternoon when Hannah called Charles her bana (meaning husband/hubby) again. They are still single but I smell something differently good in the air and I am hoping they get back again so we can celebrate love and relationship with them the way it was before.

My first Christmas with my first(and last) boyfriend *hopeful*

aarrgghhhh... I can't start! I don't know where to start really. I want to tell you I went to Jayson's place and stayed there for the whole day(and whole night) doing anything from cooking to going to the mall, to visiting his friend Hernani ( HAppy birthday by the way and thank you for the treat! You calmed our raging tummies), to playing cards (yup! I will never get tired of playing his newly invented game! and don't forget beh.. I set the new record!hahahaha... negative score baby! :) )

I'd like to describe the feeling of finally meeting his whole family and getting the chance to really bond with them, to elaborate this overwhelming desire to stay there longer so I would hopefully miss him a little less, I want to tell you how thankful I am to my God for giving me the chance to meet this little piece of baggage in this whole vast universe to laugh with and make me realize how great a person I am and how much I am being loved.

I would love to share with you how it feels swaying with the tune of humming, to draw a picture of us walking under the drizzles of the rain, I want to show you the happiness I feel when we're together. That even a bus ride with him beside me is something I always look forward to. Simple things that are usually taken for granted we treat as the most precious.

I want to tell you everything I feel but when i start to type, my fingers seem to hesitate... unable to grasp what my heart wants to say. My body won't cooperate and I start to fumble. anything just to get it out of my system for fear I might explode. I need to to tell you everything but I can't.. And this is the closest I get to describing it.. I'm sorry. :(

P.S. Thank you Jayz! and thanks to your family for making me feel so welcomed. I love you.
♥♫ ∟☼V3 Y☺U ♣♥

Hapeeeeeee :D

*even our shadows define love ♥*


Jayson:

Happy 5th monthsarry baby! Our Samal adventure turned out pretty good huh? though it wasn't the way we expected it to be, still I had fun because you're right beside me. I love you and I pray we always stay this way forever, I really do. Remember what they say about losing the feelings when relationships age? I feared about falling into that very same pit as lovers do but when I look at you and hold you, I think and I smile... We will never(superlative alright!) lose the feeling because we will always (yes, another superlative babe!) work on cultivating it no matter what. You have always been honest with me about men and emotions and I thank you for giving me free lectures about how your kind behaves in certain situations. I know I should be extra careful with my tongue, to watch out on the way I react on your own obnoxious mind-state, and the importance of taking care of my own body. You have no idea how much I am learning from you. Thank you beh and rest assured that no matter how apathetic I look whenever you give long statements, I am learning and that I have reflected on it. Promise! Cross my throat! Cross my heart! Cross my abdomen!cross my feet! :)

It was sooooooooooo much fun just hanging out with you at home by the way! Cooking together, making home-made tuna sandwich together, and eating it thereafter with DVDs on the side was a blast! Oh! and did I mention how I love your new card game? It gives me thrill whenever you flip those cards! I learned how to properly toss the coin too! :) ♥

I love you baby! And I am looking forward on our forever together. I think missing you always does the magic. I mean, It gives me this exhilarating thrill whenever we see each other again and I get to kiss you and hug you once more. Its as if the thought of missing you again gives me this desire to always treasure every moment with you knowing that I may not get the chance to for a long time. I love you. I will never get tired of telling you that because I do...and I will never get tired of hearing you say it because aside from the tingling sensation it brings to my ears, it tickles my heart in a good way too! ♥♥

You are my knight in shining Armour, only better because you wouldn't care if I didn't use glutathione like Snowwhite, you hardly notice how unsophisticated I look compared to Cinderella on her new shiny ballgown, you get upset whenever I try to put on make-up masking my beauty within, and you whine about minishorts and sleeveless shirts fearing men might commit adultery. *giggles*
You are my pillow with a music box implanted on them. You are my security blanket, only you smell nicer than the one I have at home. You are the book I want to dig into everyday, my own personal pill that can cure anything I wouldn't want to feel. You are my precious toy. You are my life. You are my everything because you are my love. bawal sad mureact! :)


P.S. I can go on and on and on here.. but I need to stop so I can write something on our next monthsarry and on the next, and next,....infinity :)

I LOVE YOU! :) ♥♥♥

I could have had a ♥ attack!!!!!

I woke up feeling dreadfully awful because of some damn dream… I dreamt of looking at the list of PNLE passers given to me by my senior schoolmate. She told me that it’s the November ’09 result and that the result came in early because of technology. She said she wasn’t able to see my name on it. I flipped the pages and saw the name “January”, only it has a different surname… Suddenly I thought I would cry… men! And then I looked at the front page and it wasn’t Nov’09, it was June’09… whew! Still it was a bad dream and It sure felt like the real thing! I woke up and then I sighed… some nightmares just wouldn’t go…

And then we went to UM Matina after breakfast to get our Christmas gift… My cousins and I felt a little adventurous that morning and The Ampatuan’s mansion is something we just can’t resist. So we breathe in courage and off we drove to Juna Subdivision! We can’t find it at first with the maze-like boulevard and large houses around… We decided to go back home after a few rounds in the region when ‘lo and behold! We saw the exact same gate we saw only in Newspapers Nationwide. It was unbelievably quiet and there were no big armed men around, only the deserted mansion and the equally deserted houses and street. Oh well… Turns out the same excitement we anticipated on driving over to Tsampaka at night and venturing over a hotspot in the metro didn’t do justice on our exaggerated adrenaline rush! We went home still feeling slumped over our lame adventure, if you call it as such!

I went to the pits in the afternoon because I’m scheduled for my tooth extraction. Now I wouldn’t be able to literally “smile to the ears”. Damn tooth! I’m scheduled for cleaning and fluoride brush next week... I hope my dentist would be kind enough to treat me for the yummy brownies icecream.

And just so I thought the day would be better. It got a lot worst! I rode the cheapest transportation in town (The jeepney alright!) and almost got myself into a big trouble… It’s a humid afternoon and the traffic didn’t cooperate with us either so when our ride was suddenly almost got hit by the raging taxi, the jeepney driver got so furious he went out and dared the taxi driver for a fight... The poor taxi driver just sat frozen in his seat… Who wouldn’t? Our driver held a big metal bar on his hand… Everyone inside the jeepney just sat in silence and froze.. I almost thought of intervening if something bad happens.. Thank God! He came to his senses.. otherwise I would have had to ride another jeepney back home and will get another batch of people staring at my poor numb lips mouthing “bayad po” in harelip style.

What now?

Just barely 2 weeks after taking the PNLE (Philippine Nursing Licensure Exam) and I'm feeling bored I can wish to sleep til it's Christmas, No! Bored is even an understatement. Its with a capital B-O-R-E-D! It has been a helluva of parties and outings during the first few days and now I'm stuck at home. No money, with my boyfriend back at his hometown, and a mere me looking for a job online (can somebody please please puhleeezzz give me work!!!!)... I really don't think I can plunge into the pool of graduates cramming in Call Centers everywhere nationwide *incase you'd be advocating for that* :)

I'm thinking about applying in a bank just because I'd love to look like all those self-styled bankers sporting roughly anything professional looking, yeah... I can be shallow. Anyway, I've just monetized my blog and hopefully *crosses fingers* somebody will be kind enough to click it..*sigh* but that would be impossible ofcourse unless I myself click those ads.. *double sigh*

And another option is ofcourse online tutorial! Tadah! Now that's something new.. but really... I'm thinking about it for sometime. people say you get a good pay on that.. (so I'm marketing myself now) Anyone interested? I'm really good at speaking and writing (partly because I love chismis)\..hahahaha... No seriously.. I' dead serious on this... Hire me!!!

And how can I leave the buy and sell industry behind? I love everything about it! pretty dresses, lovely accessories, killer high-heeled shoes, night bazaars with music and food to boot all night... ahhhh.. now that's business! I'm planning to tell my mom about it so she can help me with the finance so I'll probably update you all on that! I knoerrr right... I'm pretty excited too!

that's it for now.. I'm running out of ideas.. if you have, any kindly post your comments here.. I'd really appreciate that as much as I need it.. Ciao! Thank you!

i miss my blog!

im done with you!
and just so you know.. i wont ever think about you from now on!
I swear!
you have failed my expectations.
You have caused me both headache and heartache..
you forgot to warn me about your lethality.
I pray never to see you again
I wont have anything to do with you from now on.
I have spent many nights thinking about you.
5 lbs was lost because of you.
Each day i count so i could finally have a glimpse of you.
and that was it.
the exam is over..
and the party will start! weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! :)

the last straw

Today is mommy's (grandma’s) 86th birthday. And I'm planning to eat dinner with Jayson.

I knew all along that it was a mistake complying with auntie Lea’s request to prepare for mommy’s birthday, i have to oblige no matter how reluctant I was because she's our Lola after all, and everyone was "busy". I knew that before I carry out stuffs, I have to seek approval to auntie Ging first. That was the protocol for years and not even a mere ME can change that. But I thought Mommy could finally see me and my cousin Abby as matured adults, capable of discerning and making sound decisions… but I still thought wrong. All these hierarchy of reporting and obeying has sucked me all up for years that now I decided to drop everything in mid-air.

Ok, here’s what really happened. We have called quite a number of hotels and restaurants around the metro and sought approval to our aunts and uncles the day before. We also asked Mommy if she likes the place too, “You decide” she replied. I was so eager to skip review the next day to make all the necessary arrangements, Abby obliged to accompany me sacrificing a planned outing with her girlfriends (you wouldn’t want to miss outings!).

The morning after that, before going to Grand Men Seng (we decided to conduct the party there), we kissed mommy goodbye and informed her that were going to the hotel today when ‘lo and behold!!! She told us to call auntie Ging first. We did call her *a scene was already playing inside my mind*. She mouthed the exact words I heard from her last year. “ Inquire blah.. blah.. blah..”… And as usual, I never heard of the place before, she told me to contact her son which I decided not to do but I hushed the word OK just the same. That was the last straw. I texted auntie Lea that I will never help in the arrangements again and went to ukay-ukay with Abby to calm our raging souls.

This was actually not the first time it happened, but all those things in the past has piled up like a trash that if continue to collect it, I would know that it cannot bring back respect to my dignity. So I decided to play tough, its not that hard really and I’m enjoying it now *except when I have to pass by their door step and pretend that I didn’t see them*… It’s better like this really, I guess being plastic is not in my system…

P.s. Happy birthday mommy! I’m sorry I can’t go to your party. I will be sick this evening that I have to breathe in fresh air for a change. I wish you all the best in this world. Really. I mean it. And I still love you. But I guess, now is not the time to stitch it up when your party has what caused it all…

i ♥ these

I love their interpretation of the song " BLEEDING LOVE". The way Chelsie danced like she was going crazy over love paints the true picture of what's going on inside a girls' mind going gaga over boys.. eeerrr.. men.



Aside from the fact that the chick looks like my long lost pseudo-sister (boohoo she wasn't able to teach me to groove like that), I fell for their dance moves *obviously*... Tell me who would dare disagree with me?



My favorite amongst the three. That is one lucky gal. How can she be both pretty and talented?.. and I have to concede the guy is cute plus he dances way too hot too! sigh

♣♣♣

i don't know about you, but i hate it when we fight or when you act so cool when I so want you not to. I know you're sensitive and I know I'm not but I can get hurt too you know...

another post for you...

... because you get THRILLED when I write about you. :P

Remember when we were just sitting side by side on our sofa at home just holding hands? That was the night before you talked to mama and papa on cam. You said we will grow old sitting in our favorite chair at our own home holding hands like what Elie and Carl usually do on the movie UP. We were thinking of the same thing that instant.

I learned quite a lot in that movie. "The most boring of things are sometimes the most often that we remember when its gone" and that "life isn't about seeking for an adventure, the life that you are living right now is an adventure itself if you live it right"

I realized that just sitting near to you is perfect bliss itself, and I could never ask for anything than having an adventure with you for the rest of my life. ( Yup! sitting in a comfy sofa, hands intertwined, with our home-made swiss milk is what adventure is for me now). :)

Joke part2

Walking along the deserted downtown street feeling the warmth of his hands on the coldness of mine...

Jayson: Beh... may alam ka bang libingan dito?
(baby... do you know any cemetery around?)

Me: Ha? nganu man?
(Huh? What for?)

Jayson: Kasi kailangan ko nang paglilibingan ang puso kong patay na patay sa'yo.
( Because I need to bury my heart that's dying for you.)

I was laughing so hard and thought that even if he tells me all these hackneyed words all our life together (even with osteoporosis, cataracts and all), I will still be laughing this way at him because I know he means it just the same.

The meeting

Ok. So this isn’t exactly what I thought it would be... It’s funny really; I always have this preconception in mind that if I were to introduce my boyfriend to mama and papa it would be the traditional type(an intimate tête-à-tête at home) with him compelled to prepare for it (looking fresh, descent, and with something on hand). It turns out to be the exact opposite! Of course I never dreamed of introducing him on cam… and certainly not after binging on lechon (I swear his lips looked like he has just put on lipgloss on cam).

My whole clan knows about him, even my parents, that’s why he can visit me at home whenever he wants to. I don’t know… the thought of hiding something as important as Jayson to my parents never crossed my mind, they already knew about him a week since the day he started courting me. But they just can’t bring themselves to talk to him because they still can’t believe that their “lil’ doll is all grown up” and is in a relationship with a guy. Anyway, it turned out to be pretty well… Jayson kept calling them “ma’am” and “sir” at first and ended the conversation calling my mama “ate”. Papa is, as he said, “more intimidating”. lol… I swear… I didn’t know what to do to ease his anxiety while they fire one question to another. The least I can do was rub his back to know I’m there.

Thanks ma! Thanks pa (and happy birthday too)! You guys are the best! Don’t worry 10 o’clock is even too late a curfew for him. He has to study too you know... I love you guys! I love you too Jayz! and you really did well. better than wahat we have practiced.. =)♥♥♥

my cellphone sucks!

... or is it just my network? (T0T)

I wasn't able to attend Meloi's birthday party because of you. And I spent 2 days (2 WHOLE FREAKING DAYS!!!!!) twitching in my seat during my review because I thought Jayson forgot about our monthsary, I almost gone mad! Arggghhhh.!!!!!!!

I swear if this happens again. I’ll drown you in water!

P.S. Happy birthday again Meloi!

And Happy monthsary Jayz! I don’t hate you, I love you.

And phone, I swear if you fail to do your job for my communication again.. I’ll definitely giving you up to my sister. I’ll prefer her plain nokia over you!

old school

Grade school has been the dirtiest ( I mean literally filthy) years in my entire student life. Its when I run around the campus looking like a mad maniac while munching my tootsie roll on hand. Its also the time when grades and certificates are for my parent while rewards thereafter are for me.

*sighs deeply* I miss my childhood friends. The fun we had during break time at the basketball court playing anything from girlish jackstone and ten-twenty to brusque lupa langit, anak-anakay, and tigso… who could ever forget our endless merienda of creams bisqcuit and halo-halo from the bookstore? Even our petty quarrels whenever we disappoint each other during games are precious to me.

I miss my teachers (especially Ma’am Dyne who boost my confidence that I can actually be good in writing). I miss the campus (especially our small garden at the back that painted my description of the garden in “The secret”). The plain, 1-peso worth of junkfoods, and even our guard who patiently look after us whenever our sundo fails to come on time.

And now after 10 years, we finally had our grand reunion * throwing kisses on facebook and Friendster* . Some have careers fresh on their shoes, others are student still vying for honors, while a few (like me) had just recently bid goodbye to school.

I know it will take a few months before we’ll meet and goof around like this again, but I’m looking forward to it. Relieving our grade school years and listening to your amazing lifestories had been both comforting and blissful. I’ll definitely see you again!

... And oh.. lemme introduce you to my bestfriends since elementary.. Shem ( nursing grad from SPC) and Karla (also nursing grad from ADDU). see? Even through the years we still have somethings in common. that's why we're friends!

my own blend of ambivalence

happy monthsary Jayz....

I hate you.
I hate you.
I love you
I hate you.

♥♥And ummm.... I love you♥♥

Mushy I know!

I was scavenging my diary last night and saw this letter I made for someone close to me in church when I was in high school. Anyway, I just thought of sharing it with you guys ( yeah.. I know its mushy and all but I still think it's cute... =) )

A letter for you:

I saw you this morning; you were your usual self. So carefree, unaware of the beauty you hold within. Unconsciously (or a little voluntarily), my eyes would gaze upon your direction. Those boyish smile is enough to lose my resolve, Oh I pray to our God that you will one day offer me even just one of your smiles, a desperate plea, but one I can trade my soul to. And those eyes, those are my favorite. It displays confidence and humility at the same time, it speaks to people by itself, it reflects how you take pleasure on things, it was never sad, it constantly allures people you are talking with. I pray heaven will permit me to see your soul through those eyes again.

However, that's far from possible, to you, I have never existed. I was merely a replica of someone really close to you. You used to say that we were soul sisters but do you know what differs me from her? She has you, whereas I, I only want you. I Love You. Funny I can say those words when we have not talked for ages. The last time was the day before you went to Manila. You read to me every message from your inbox, I can’t remember those quotes really, all I cared that time was you and me together in a room, I was delirious, overwhelmed by the fact that you finally allowed me to get a glimpse of your own private world. I remembered how softly your voice came out as you read to me those words. Even the angels must be in glee for the morning stars were shining so brightly that night. That was then, we were to start a beautiful friendship and endless possibilities of you and I together had played on my mind. I was hopeful. But destiny never gave us a chance….

Classes would soon start and you have to go. Time crushed me. We have not even started and you must go. College was different my dear, friends are few and acquaintances are countless, we both have our own lives to live, we have lost touch. But you know what? Aside from 12 hours of sleep, I would look forward to semester break because it would mean talking to you again even if it means a minute of how are yous . It would create a warm feeling surging inside me every time you talk. And during worship, I would praise God some more knowing that you’re home again and that you came safe.

Now, two years have passed and I never get tired of praying for you. You like books don’t you? Have you read Nicholas Spark’s “A Walk to Remember”? I have drawn inspiration to Jaime. One day, my prayers would realize. The universe will conspire in making those dreams come to life. But too much time has passed. And things are too different now, We have nothing else to talk about but there are tons of things I would love to know. How are you? How is Sophia? Do you still remember the wonderful time we had during the summer camp? *sigh* Questions after questions I would like to ask but every time I am to go over and talk to you, friends would flock to your seat. I guess they miss you too. That is one thing I absolutely admire about you. You draw people at your pole. You have stories to tell. They ask about your life in the big city and you would articulately relate to them how different it is to Davao and that you will never dream of living there for a long time. Though you answer their every question politely with a smile, there are times when you look so serene, almost ethereal to look at, your face looking down feeling the fresh air as everybody mingles around during lunch.

Next week, if by chance we will see each other again, then it would be beautiful. Maybe I can muster enough courage to atleast say hello to you. But for now, I have to say my nightly prayer. I will still be praying for you, but unlike before, I will now instead pray for your health and safety. Of course I will still hope for your attention but I figured that I cannot go on to this lunacy. I like you now and I pray to God to take this feelings away. Tonight, I will pray for something else, I pray for that somebody whom God has reserved for me, only for me, and hopefully tonight that someone is praying for me too.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

poetry 2

A broken heart
A broken hope
I feigned indolence
I prayed for the one...
yet i still give in
now...
Again
I'm broken

poetry

photo from here

...Somehow music is but harmony is not


Oh! How emotion can deceive


But love was never an option


No! Love can never be an option....

almost lover....

for more of her videos, click here

... Such a wonderful song yet so sad. This is for my past juvenile crushes/almost lover...

Just thought it would be nice to share it with you.

P.S. To Jayson... never will i dedicate this song to you. Remember when I first told you I love you? I meant it to last forever. I will never let you go anyway... So yeah, you're kinda glued to me!

P.P.S. I really thought its sweet of you to concede that you have to put up with my tantrums because "we'll be living together for a long long time anyway."

♥♥ ^,^* ♥♥

things I hate/love about You

photo from here

Things I HATE about You.

1. You ALWAYS have the last word in our mini debates. I abhor how you make that fake triumphant face in front of me whenever you win.

2. I hate how particular you are in time. Your sister is right, girls need extra time to be pretty during dates no matter how you say I look beautiful in anything.

3. I can never understand why you are soooo hooked up on IKARIAM. And why you spill your money on net cafés.

4. OK, so the dogs growl at you when you visit me at home. What can I do? You’re a stranger to them. That can’t be a reason why you choose to meet up outside our gate right?

5. If boys have periods, I’ll definitely understand your moodswings. Thus baby I am the only person allowed for such obnoxious behavior. OK?

6. You make fun of me. My face, my hands, my house, my neighborhood, almost anything! Huh! And you think you’re perfect?

7. You don’t live in the same city I live in. and that irks me a lot. A LOT. Especially during weekends when I miss you and I have to wait until Monday to see you again. I hate it!

Things I LOVE about You

1. I secretly love it when you win in our arguments. You illustrate a different view of things, widening my perspective and that made me love you more. Even if I know I’m half right.

2. Your strict “be on time” attitude has helped me reach Merge on time too. I love you even if it unnerves me when you count even a minute of being late.

3. I never told you this, but I’m proud how you handle your people in ikariam and the way you lure people to join your team (even me). You have formed a bond within the boys of our section. I love you.

4. I lost count how many times Chubby and Beauty ran after you and everytime it crosses my mind, I can’t help but laugh and be proud. I love how you fake courage just to visit me at home and how you remind the puppies to remember you when they grow up so they won't bark at you. They love you. Trust me.

5. I have a secret to tell… I get high when you look exasperated. I’m sorry if I love to tickle you and physically harass you. You know it’s my way to show you my love.

6. When you make fun of everything, I learn to love them too because you do. Thank you for showing me how funny everything around me is.

7. ... And when weekend comes, you never make me feel alone. It’s true... We live under the same sky, we could never be too far. And nothing can beat my feelings when Monday comes and I get the chance to see you again. It's like knowing that I'll be missing you once more but certain that you will stay. I love You.
   

nursing review realizations

After 4 years in the BSN course I never thought that I still have tons of things yet to learn, I never really took the course seriously. All I cared about was getting through one duty to another without doing what a diligent nursing student should do. (e.g understanding my patients' disease pathology and their nursing management, reading and memorizing normal values seen in the chart, and most importantly doing every procedure allowed to enhance my skill) . Everytime I get to expose to special areas, instead of learning with a curiosity of a child I only think about completing my OR and DR cases and missing the chance to really learn about it.

Same goes during lectures. The only best time to study is right before every quiz so I can recall everything... passing an exam is entirely a different story. Friends, Clarion, Family, and a whole lot of time for myself has kept me occupied, it's amazing I graduated without failing grades.

Now, I have to cram up everything inside my already air-filled head with knowledge needed to pass the November PNLE board.

uuummmm... let's see... all in all there are about 8 books I bought during my abundant college years that i haven't actually read yet. *Hey! I have my notes, and I open my books naman whenever we have quizzes or exams*

I'm getting anxious, I know I have acceptable scores in the review but I still think its not enough, I need ample time and I'm not getting any. I wanted to spend as much time with Jayson, with my internet, and TV, and home, and friends.. etc.. etc...

oh..well.. its kadayawan, and I still have two weeks to chill... so au revior! i have to see the floral parade!

photo stolen from my brother's file...

“Love in the Time of Cholera”

photo taken from here

I watched the movie “Love in the Time of Cholera”… and though the story is close to becoming absurd in the eyes of others, I still think that the words uttered and the emotions shown are real.
I was arguing inside while listening to some of their lines, so here are some excerpts (as far as my small mind can remember) and my made-up retaliation/agreement if I ever get the opportunity to cast in the movie.

Marco: “Believe me, love at your age is an illusion” *father giving advise to his daughter*
ME: "If what I’m feeling now is nothing but an illusion, then let my fantasy run. I will not allow you to awaken me from my deep sleep and destroy whatever chance I have for love."

Juneval: “Marriage my dear is about stability, happiness is but secondary.”
Fermina: “And what about love? Isn’t love the most difficult of all?”
ME: "Oh yes it is! Love is the most difficult to disguise. So stop the lunacy Fermina and divorce your husband, go back to Florentino! Geeesh! I cannot imagine myself waking up everyday at the sight of a man who only offers me stability. Its like eating an expensive full course exotic snake meal rather than your sumptuous home-made dinner."

Fermina: "My own daughter forbidding me to be with the one I love! We can't be together then because we were too young, now we still can't be together because were too old?!!!" *in rage*
ME: " Go Lola! Ipaglaban si Lolo, happiness is never too late though you both could have been happy together longer if you fought for your love.. anyway,, past is past.. so go for gold now." hahahaha...

i'm inloooovveee

photo from here

Last week I kissed my most treasured NBSB status goodbye. Weeeeeeeeeeeee! *jumping all around while throwing confetti* Yup! After months of courtship (and 4 semesters of being classmates), I finally decided to drop all inhibitions. I mean, what’s the point of waiting if what I really want is to be with him? A friend forwarded a text that goes something like “waiting is a way to test ur faith and patience. but lyf is short, though patience is a virtue, still time is gold”… it’s a funny quote but it cleared up all the what-ifs that has been fogging my mind.

I know ours isn't the fairytale story that I always dreamed to have. He’s not my own definition of “right guy” and certainly not the guy I thought I could ever be with even for just a day. But he turned out to be the one I could risk my heart into, the guy that I could talk to everyday and would still miss him when I go to bed at night, and though he never fails to utter “I love you”, I still get jitters whenever he does. He has the capacity to squeeze my heart (in a good way) with his gestures and *indescribable* words, he taught me that happiness is never without dare. He was my classmate, the guy that I could goof and punch without getting even a pseudoslap in return. He’s my bestfriend and after the day he whispered “I love you”, I suddenly woke up wishing that he’ll still find me (which I’m thankful that he did).

i'm hopeless

I just met the female gayest lecturer on the planet. I thought I'd be running in the ER with a lock jaw because of her floor-rolling intonation. Aside from all the jokes, IMCI, and all the booze, she mentioned stuffs that are really disturbing. It's something that i don't want to think about as much as I can especially when I'm not at home.

First is ofcourse my endless clash with my mother. Yup! I stack loads of grudge before I finally explode like some medieval time bomb. She injected part of the ten commandments, that part about honoring thy father and mother and you will be blessed. I am so done! Maybe i won't even pass the board exam just because of my big air-filled head plus my eccentric sometimesstubborn-sometimesbehave personality. Oh well, You can't blame me. Try making every effort to please your parents and getting reprisal in return just because I couldn't remain still at home sometimes READ: SOMETIMES. I'm at home often and the only time I get to feel the fresh air and some serene atmosphere is when Jayson takes me out for dinner or when I'm out having coffee with friends, or just me taking some solitary random stroll around the metro.
Sorry ma, although I love you which I sometimes say out loud to you, I think part of me still dodge from your overprotective arms to protect my ego and self-esteem. I can't be hurt by you all over again. Since time immemorial upto this time, I am sick of being compared to other people.

I am not as talented as my cousins
Not even a quarter of an inch prettier than them
I'm not as smart
Nor as lucky

maybe I'm just me.

And there's nothing you nor I can do about it.

But one thing is for sure. I am happy and content with myself and I will never allow you to step into the castle which I have built deep in my heart over the years again. I'm sorry

From the land of Facebook

I have seen this on facebook, and because I’m not doing anything… I thought about posting it here… Wala lang…

1. Dapat ba gwapo?
>Yes. He must be atleast presentable, not necessarily jaw dropping handsome but one that I can introduce to people proudly. Ang pangit naman kung maganda ako tapos siya hindi…

2. dapat ba matalino?
> Definitely yes. The reason why I fidget on dates is because I can’t find a decent thing to talk about. So naturally, he must have some interesting thing to say.

3. preferred Age?
> I prefer someone older or anyone who shows maturity beyond his age. I can’t be a mom to my boyfriend. I’m already one at home.

4. preferred height?
> Someone taller than me, but not too much. I’m insecure when it comes to height.

5. How about sense of humor?
> Ofcourse! I love to laugh and if he can’t mumble anything that tickles my brain... well, he better learn to read.

6. How about piercings?
> No. I’ll forgive him if he looks like Josh Duhamel or Jude Law.

7. Accepts you for who you are?
> If he doesn’t, he can just get lost.

8. Pink hair?
>If he was born with it, otherwise we can buy razors.

9. mushy or no?
>Yes. But not the spare-me-that-crap-kinda mushy. Just enough to make me feel giddy.

10. Thin or fat?
> Not fat. It’s unhealthy. Can be thin if he doesn’t go on a diet, that would be creepy.

11. Moreno or chinito or mestizo?
> I don’t care. That’s being racist man!

12. Long hair or short hair?
> Short clean cut hair without fuzz.

13. Plastic or metal?
> None. I hate plastics and metals are too hard.

14. Smells good?
> Hell yeah, I have a nose like a dog. I can tell what you have eaten even after washing your hands with soap (I can even tell what kind of soap you are using!)... Swear…

15. Smoker?
> uhh! Hates it!

16. Drinker?
> I drink occasionally so yeah… it’s fine so long as he’s not into it.

17. Boy-next-door type?
> Whatever. I really don’t care. As long as he doesn’t stand on doorways checking every girl out.

18. Musically inclined?
>It’s a plus but I’m not forming a band here.

19. Plays piano?
> Pwede… Nothing can be more romantic than a sight of a guy in tux playing piano.

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
> Acoustic. And I’ll be drooling if he can sing like Jason Mraz too!

21. Plays violin?
> I don’t know… OK, why not.

22. Sings very good?
> oh yes… please? So he can rock me to sleep.

23. Vain?
> He just needs to take care of his body, not the metro guy type. I always think they’re an inch closer to being gay.

24. With glasses?
> Not necessarily. Di na uso yan, kaya nga may contacts diba?

25. With braces?
> At our age? That’s pretty unusual.

26. Shy type?
> Definitely not. I’m shy so he can’t be shy too. We’ll be shying our way out of the relationship.

27. Rebel or good boy?
> Though rebels intrigue me, I still want my guy to be good. He’ll exhaust all my ATP from worrying.

28. Active or passive?
> What fun will it boast to be with a passive guy? Plus, he’ll explode like a medieval bomb when he can’t take me anymore.

29. tight or bomb?
> Huh? Yeah I’m dumb to these kinds of things.

30. Singer or dancer?
> Can sing and dance, he doesn’t need to be good at it.

31. Suplado?
> Suplado na nasa lugar… nakakarindi yung laging nakasimangot noh.

32. Hiphop?
> duh… nope!

33. Earrings?
> Just as I said, no.

35. Torpe?
> Torpes are cute but I’m not coming after them so he better learn how to speak (pwede di masyado articulate..hehehe)

36. Mr. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
> Hell no! What am I? Future one of his ex girls? I’ll fry him in oil if he tells me that!

37. Dimples?
> ohhhh… dimpled guys are adorable…

38. Bookworm?
> Not necessarily but he must be smart and he reads when he needs to.

39. Mr. love letter?
> I love it when I receive lovely letters… don’t overdo ofcourse or I’ll burn it in trash.

40. Makulit?
> The key is moderation. I’m around with kids often so I tolerate that kind of behavior. I’ll tell you when it’s not fun anymore.

41. Flirt?
> Do you wanna die? Just flirt with ME.

42. Poem writer?
> oh yes please?... I love anything that pulls my heart strings.

43. Serious?
> When he needs to. But not ALL the time. Read: ALL THE TIME.

44. Campus crush?
> That would be find, as long as he doesn’t abuse his gift and his eyes are only on me.

45. Painter ..?
> If he paints a clear picture of things, I can never appreciate abstract. I don't know... I just can't.

46. Religious?
> Doesn't matter. He must only believe and fear God.

47. Alaskador?
> Not too much please... I'm too pikon for that.

48. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
> Huh! Basta hindi addict. Im a net freak myself anyways...

49. Speaks 20 languages?
> Sure, why not? so when we travel i don't need an interpreter with me.

50. Loyal o faithful?
> Both. If one is lacking, screw him! he can get lost or I can get lost..hehee.. :)

Dissapointment

Have you ever been disappointed in your life? Like dead-flat-turned-over-then-squashed disappointed? Its cccrrrazyyyy! You wanna scream all air out from your filthy alveoli and punch someone straight in the face. My small hands also wanna get hold of every glass in the peripheries so I could break it while swearing every foul word there is that even the Lamia will bow down to me shivering in utter surrender! *whew*

Oh well, I guess that pretty is it. All I need is my cookies ‘n cream icecream with blueberry cheese cake on the side. Yumyum…And that got me thinking… I think I’ll just have my home-made mocha iced coffee. Where is Clarion when I need it? *sniff*

warm... warm... warm...

I love to introduce someone proudly to everyone and i love it when someone introduce me proudly to everyone.. its such a nice, warm, giddy, pleasant, cant-explain-it-but-feels-good feeling... *sigh*

Tear-Jerking films

I’m an official tear-jerker movie/ tv series/ noon time show junky. I cried buckets on Nicholas Sparks’ A Walk to Remember. Heck! I can’t even remember one single time I haven’t cried watching this movie... The poor DVD player must have given up eating the same scarred-from-over-used disk.

And I thought Sassy Girl won my Best Sniffer award until Shobe introduced me to it’s prequel “Wind Struck”. I never stopped sniffing, lucky no one barged in my room while I feast on tissue papers in near suffocation related to overt display of emotions.

Anyhoo (jolog term of anyway/anyhow), Mommy and I just watched Wowowee (even after swearing not to take even a fleeting glimpse of those hosts with earsplitting voices). Because the guests are Lolos and Lolas who remain married over 40 years, the atmosphere suddenly changed from sunny bright to nostalgic. She reminiscence their happy times with Daddy Pat with tears clawing its way on her fragile senile skin, the scene was uuummmmm… OK heartbreaking. I never thought Mommy still cry on her husband’s death, I mean I thought people can just forget about the feeling (whatever it is) when the clock had its way around. I thought time erases emotions… No matter how great it is. I guess I just haven’t felt enough.
photo from here

Finally! After 7 emotional days of watching “One Liter of Tears”, my depressive mode has come to its conclusion. I don’t think I can risk a heart Attack from watching that series, heartsqueezing is an understatement. I realized all too much, and I need to do all too many things. I guess the prospect of death really puts you to the edge.

blogspot illiterate

If you have been following my blog since my first entry (or you can review it now), you can see how dry and monotonous it looks. Reason? I have been writing my entries at the Edit Html part...

yeah, I know... I'm dumb alright.

everytime i read other blogs, i get so envious about their colorful fonts with bold words to make their entries more alive, more inviting to read...

so yeah... i learned this after Shobe pointed the compose part, and I can never stop blogging because of my newest discovery.. weeeeeeeeeee!

a tribute to papa

No matter how much I hated my papa for doing what he did in the past, I will always be forever thankful to him.

He disciplined me and my siblings well. I guess the belt and your rough calloused hands did work a little to tame this unruly teeny weeny soul. Thank You. Because of you I seized to steal (even if its just 5 pesos from mom’s, not your pocket), I learned the importance of trust, and you taught me that money is never free.

The salt too did a miracle to our knees, not only did we bow down to conform to your set of rules, it made me realize what boulevard I am unconsciously heading. Thank You. I learned enemies are not to be hated, and that education is eternally mandatory for a good life in the future.

No matter how much we hated it to visit the farm, you obliged us to and I discovered the beauty of nature in the process. I learned to embrace simplicity and happiness in small, essential things in life. Thank You. And though you haven’t done well in taking care of the place, still learning from your mistake helped me to be more wary in dealings with people.

You had your share of mistakes pa, and some of it I learned to forgive but I can never eradicate it from my scattered memory. I’m sorry. As they say, only amnesia and death can erase everything we want to forget. But through you, I have, for the first time in my entire life, appreciated mama. She has drawn a clear picture of what true, unconditional love is, she demonstrated sacrifice for the sake of the family, and she has shown how great your love for the three of us. Thank You.

Thank You papa for giving up your comfy life style here in Davao to work for us. Your job in Japan is strenuous enough for young, healthy men and I never thought of you doing it but you did. Thank You. Please keep yourself and mama safe and healthy. There is no need to worry about us here. You have raised us well and we are old enough to discern \what is right (or wrong for us).

Everytime I see your photos in Japan, you look like those fathers in koreanovelas we usually watch on TV. It makes me smile all the time because I would imagine myself the female lead who has a father who works so hard for the family but who seem to end up doing the wrong thing all the time. You’re not that though, not all the time..hehehee…

I love you pa, and again, thank you.