hope

Dawn,

“Hope is like the sun which, as one journey towards it, casts the shadows of our burden behind us.”- Anonymous

You’re the “spring” of the group; you always put hope to everyone’s withered faces. Honesty and a great pledge of character would be exemplified by your mere presence. Stay that way and you will be able to change paths of people and go into greatness.

“The message of Dawn is Hope.”

_by Sir Ace Castillo, RN_


Aaaawww…. I’m touched… From now on, I baptize myself HOPE!

innumeracy

Miki, Marion, and I were unfortunately obliged to be together to take the weight of the children in our assigned community (and I must confess that it was not a very appealing idea for me at that time because of group issues). That’s another story. Anyway, I don’t know what’s with the weighing scale and the tape measure that children seem to detest it. Thus, all morning, aside from enduring their tantrums, we also have to make simple subtraction (in cases where the guardians must hold the kids during weighing). The most challenging of all was subtracting 72 and 56. We made a fuss over it for a minute or so in front of our disbelieving client (I got the closest, 15!). Before we give any more bad impression, we finally conceded our weakness and decided to use our cell phone… *sigh*

reality check

I used to adore these fragile women with their pretty faces and sweet disposition. They seem to go to all perfect places in the kingdom and always stay at a place where their princes are hanging out (or riding their horses...). Like innocence and luck are bound to be together. Moreover, there must always be some evil, deceptive antagonists who are actually smart enough to come up with wicked plans just to destroy the pure and blameless princesses and ends up dead in the end (the less grave would be their transformation from wickedness to servitude) But along the course to adulthood, I learned to do otherwise. I have become so disillusioned by love, by life in general that I refuse to believe that such fairytales do exist. Prove me wrong! You don’t know how much I wanted that I have indeed mistaken, that life with all its complexities can reach its famous happy ending. Honestly, what does fairytales tell us?
• That girls must be strikingly beautiful for princes to bother a second glance.
• That we should be skinny to wear such gorgeous dresses and that there should never be a single zit seen anywhere our faces. Snow White has used glutathione before we ever heard of it, she is using cherry red lipstick before Lea Salonga started modeling for AVON.
• Fairytales adore damsels in distress. It creates an artificial perspective about goodness that it is sickening to be reading it these days. Further elaboration is not needed.
• And they can sing even without practice! How fake is that? (I know, I know… its dumb)



The only Disney princess that I look up to even during college. She’s strong and fierce yet gentle in many ways, she breaks rules and mends it with her smile and wit, and she never gives up even in the prospect of death.

new sparkling blog haven

I never thought I would cry over some silly blog! Someone screw up the sweet isolation of my thoughts that I decided to make another one.

I figured that it’s more comforting to let people whom I actually know (and who knows me aside from my discomfiting name) read through me, more liberating to finally spill every secret (whether dark or.. eerr.. nice)....

So drink with me! Kampai for my new and more accessible blog account -- jedaiknight.blogspot.com – *confetti please accompanied by standing ovation*

i believe in God but don't let me preach!

I was raised in a Catholic family and every Sunday, the sole reason of going to church was going to Jollibee after the mass. I never did understand anything of the priests’ sermons. Today, I am attending Sunday service in a Christian-Pentecostal church. The monotonous howling of the priest was replaced by the rallying shout of a pastor; the somber mantra I grew hatred with was thankfully changed into something I can actually sing. I can say that I was fairly active in our church for a couple of years (attending prayer meeting, bible study, involving in ministries, medical mission etc...) but the environment I am into and the people I am acquainted with has changed my view about religion drastically. I have enumerated the reason of why such agnostic title below and before you prejudge me, read through and look into yourself…

• I believe in God but I don’t understand why He is the father, the son, and the Holy spirit at the same time. Jesus can’t pray to the Father if He is the Father too.
• God should have never sent His son to earth to be crucified and blame mankind for such, He is God! He can do anything and He made the rules which I personally think is too much for erroneous human to handle. I now know that not everyone is capable of being kind.
• He should have anticipated that His favorite angel is a growing devil so hell doesn’t have to exist.
• He should have made that damn tree invisible so Grandma Eve and Grandpa Adam won’t be tempted and we can live in paradise now up to eternity. And so people don’t have to do stuffs to be rewarded during the second coming. It’s making me anxious coz I never really did anything significant to the church.
• God should have never supported killing people back in the old times because that is some religious groups’ excuse in killing each other and of their brothers of different faith.
• Job’s life can never be the same with his whole family gone no matter how much he has in the “second part” of his life. People should never be tested like this, its not fair!
• No, I won’t miss a Christmas party at home just so I can attend in the church’s party.
• No, I won’t ever ditch my dinner with my girlfriends over a bible study I have already heard of.
• No, I don’t force people. So if I cant invite friends in church, that is because they have their own church to attend to and others are just purely uninterested.
• No, I can’t and I don’t want to be in church every Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. I have a life to live but I love hearing my pastor preach every Sunday, it freshens me up after the long week.
• I’m naturally curious so don’t try to stop me from tasting alcohol, going to clubs, or finishing a stick of cigarette. I promise I won’t be obsessed to this stuffs, I just want to do it just because…
• I know I should obey my parents but isn’t 9 pm a bit too early?
• No, I don’t have the talent of talking to strangers. So unless the topic is of my concern, I won’t be talking to everybody in church for the customary hi, hello, send my regards to your parents crap.
• I’m not friendly, and I’m still shy so don’t expect me to mingle. and NO! i don't think the world is hell and that people in it are naturally evil! some are really good, even better than some self-proclaimed christians. And isn't it a bit too much for people to go to hell just because they believe in another Supreme Being who is their own definition of our own God?
• I believe in giving but I think 10% is too much. Anyway, I like it when I give with a happy heart so don’t push it!
• I wear sleeveless when the weather is hot, a bathing suit when I go on swimming, and I do get curious with my own body but I don’t lust over it and the closer I get to having sex is determining where my vagina and clitoris is and inserting urinary catheters.
• I have read FHM for the sake of it and not for masturbation, and we gush over abs, hot guys, and bad boys but no, I still want MY guy to be good.
• I know I’m a good person but not too good to tell people what they should do. So don’t let me preach!

Author’s note: these are the things that have been bugging me since time immemorial and I know what the answer is... FAITH. And unless you’re God, don’t point your dirty, unpolished fingers on me... but you’re very welcome to leave comments of course… just be more gentle than you ought to be.

intellectuals conversing about love

Scene 1: In the library. While doing our manuscript for our case presentation the next morning.

Joewee talking about his loving a friend beyond the desire for physical intimacy... blah blah blah.....

Me: I envy you, you and Meloi. You have experienced so much. Comparing to you, I feel like a child.

Joewee: Did someone let you fall, didn't catch you?

Me: It's not that. I have been just cautious, too cautious even...

Joewee; If you follow all the rules, you will miss all the fun.

Then he left me listening to the music of "The Art Of Letting Go"
____________________

Scene 2: In the computer laboratory, surfing the web to ease boredom.

Lar: I once believed in fairy tales but I learned the reality the hard way, I wouldn't want to go back being a school girl again.

Me reflecting if I still act like one...X_X

Lar: I got my boyfriend because I asked him myself. I texted him asking if he's willing to be mine because I want him mine.

Me brushing shoulders with her as if some fairy magical dust of guts can be shared...
_____________________

Scene 3: While waiting for songs to download on our newly purchased cheap Mp5.

Marian: I feel different, i still feel awkward during dates and I prefer home over coffee or dinner with some random guys. I even bring a chaperon with me just so I'll feel secured.

Me: Can relate.

Marian: Maybe I should get myself a psychologist, or maybe a psychiatrist can help.

Me: Call me if in case. I'll come with you.
__________________



Scene 4: Walking along the corridor going to the school gym.

Me: I have a Question...

Shobe: We're exclusively dating.

Me: Are you happy?

Shobe: *Reluctant to answer then shrugged her shoulders* I don't know. (what the!)

Secrets unveiled

My faculty is like that of a child
I express amusement for reasons I alone can comprehend
My happiness is sincere, simple sycophancy,
I should give some I know, but I seldom do so.

I haven’t been truly inlove
Infatuated maybe, but never inlove….
And for that, I plead for that one person
To treat my heart with utmost regard.

I fall for guys falling inlove with
bad girls who love good boys
Liking good girls
Who look for dire, awkward situations…

I’m trying to be good
But the job drains my soul,
It exhausts all energy my frail body can sustain
And all other grounds seem insignificant

I desire for freedom
Just as much as I want consistency
No matter how much I struggle,
I find myself imprisoned by my own person

Never have I been truly happy with myself
Although I exude otherwise
It temporarily assuages solitude,
It creates a comfortable environment however false it is….

I have since been disillusioned
Of love, of life, of people
But I cling to the idea of finding happiness
So until I find it, I will keep on hoping and someday… I won’t be a child anymore.

An atonement.

While scavenging a bookstore selling second-hand items, I have come across some sort of a calling card inserted into a cook book; it has a poem at the back of it that really tickled my mind that I have to take it home risking getting caught by the guard, sales ladies, and whatever you call that guy who pretends to be buying but is actually on the look out for shoplifters… (I only took the card, so I don’t have much to worry!)

The poem goes...

The Gospel According to you

The most beautiful story given to us
Was written long ago
By Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
Of Christ and His mission below.

And you write a gospel, a chapter a day
By your deeds, whether faithless or true,
When others read it, what will they think
Of the gospel according to you?

It’s a wonderful story, the gospel of love
As it shines with Christ’s life divine
Oh, that its truth might be told again
In the story of your life and mine

You are writing each day a letter to men,
Take care that the writing is true.
It’s the only gospel some people may read,
That gospel according to you.