I miss him

This will be my first blog after my impulse escapade to Bohol and Cebu...

(Interrupted by friends in Facebook) need to update it!

(Got busy watching NIGAHIGA's vids on youtube) He's so funny!

(laughing over kevjumba's video blog) He's cute!

and I miss Jayson.. so I'll update my blog next time.. wahahaha!

There's so much to tell... I don't know where to start...

for my parents

I thought that I can do anything come after grad
Sleep overs, vacations, or even just a trip to Samal.
I have planned to go to Bohol
but you said no, I have to comply,
I wasn't gonna ask for your money
I have mine on my own.
I thought you would finally allow me to wind up
And feel life while I'm young,
I'm not going to any clubs to puff a cigarette or get drunk,
Just the company of some old friends is enough.
Ask them.
I thought you'd be happy I found friends who go to church with me,
but you still dare to distrust them
thinking I'm going to church for an excuse not to go home.
I thought that by doing everything you want, I can get some trust
but all I get is more suspicion and doubt.
You have no idea how thrifty I am in school,
How I save even the last cent just to maximize our budget.
My only consolation for saving so much
are trips to fast foods alone after running your errands.
I thought the perfect place for courtship is at home
but what "other people" say is more important than me.
He is the safest guy for me believe me
If you're thinking about sex.
You raised me up yourselves, you think I am capable of doing that?
I will never get that low.
And I thought both of you should know.
I thought that if I have proven myself reliable with chores
You would commend my effort
But you still dare to shout and give me cold shoulders should there be delays on your commands.
Can I just sit still at home and do nothing?
Or is it so hard for you to see me doing that,
while you spit to my face how tired you are at work everyday?
I never forget how hard you work for us, but you chose to go together
And left us with the maid.
You think I can do everything you ask of me?
You must know.. I CAN'T
I have responsibilities on my own
problems I should solve
friendship I must cultivate
And self i should hone
But I never said a word...
I never complained how hard it is to be the parent at home
How Shobe shouts at me if I displease her
How hard I try to reach out to Chino
And wake them up every Sunday to go to church.
You never saw me cook for them at 6 am after a 3-11 duty
Not even when I get scolded why dinner is not yet served after my CP at school
You never saw me with a 20 peso bill on my pocket in school
because i gave it all to my siblings who need it for projects
I envy my classmates who's parents I see in school
helping in their paper works and attending important events
But I seek consolation to the fact that this will make me tough
Independent as I should be.
And I thought you will finally see me as that.
Capable of discerning
Responsible in my own ways
But I thought wrong.
You have planned my life as if I'm your own little doll
As if I don't have a mind and a heart on my own
As if I'm born to serve you.
Push me.
I swear I'll give everything up should you try my patience again
I lived my life trying to please you
Now, I will live it to please myself instead.
Tell me what I have done wrong
I will tell you what I have done to be always right.

his one and only blog..hihihihi

Dances of Petals and Thorns

oh, Dear! what am I suppose to do?
trapped in a world where roses are made for me and my life..
flowers created to change things around.
well, life itself has plenty of things to offer.

There was once a gardener, a man who always believed in fantasy and fairytale. Able to transfer the world unto the midst of reality. He was molded by exeptional experiences and yet needs to discover more of what the world may offer. Then a sudden blitz of life's lesson has to come in his journey.

In the air of his last semester of gardening,,, He was captured by the alluring beauty of 3 distinct roses,, an overwhelming feeling of which a man like him don't wanna experience. Costumizing himself to control his emotions at its full capacity. But why, why, why and why? the petals of these three are dancing with passion who thereby awakened his sleeping heart. confused him, distured him, stressed him in a bloody tears. whuaa.

He knows that Roses are great given by the nature to express its wonder and beauty, also include its scent that makes one's heart shiver or shatter but watch out for its thorns, if and only if, pain could set you unworthy and gone.

The gardener prayed for these three, "which rose should i plant? the PINK rose of sweet scent and kisses, the RED rose of love and feelings or the WHITE rose of purity and friendship. which one fits the land of his heart?", as for him, he really hate this feeling.tsst! he believed, that, in order for him to escape from this unwanted feeling, passivity is a solution. NAHH.. but he knows that nothing will change until the days after his graduation.

Again, praying. "you know the desire of my heart dear Lord, success and fullfilment of my dreams. Indeed i was weak for sometime and unworthy of your blessings, but i have faith in you, you'll be at my side forever (i know) so whatever it is in your plans, let it be done in Jesus name.". Yes, the gardener was relieved and soothe with some youthful music for his heart. But,, as he keeps on believing in the facts of future and what it'll be rendering..... the gardener was ruled out and dominated by his emotions, "ok, no more no! i'm now ready to plant A rose in my garden. A garden full of love and the best of what it is that every individual couldn't imagine.
after taking time of reflection, Mr. gardener decided to know them more and seek the core of every roses heart.

WHITE rose, the only rose of which he knows best. Mr. gardener and the WHITE rose knew each other very well since the 1st level of academic gardening. they were close friends since then, shared some personal secrets and other things under the sun. they are comfortable with each others company, of corz, they love each other in the spirit of friendship. WHITE rose has an image of Maria Clara, a Filipino maiden with perfect personality where every men could ever wish for. yeh, before the gardener was blinded by thier friendship, but in some points of his life he realized that its not just friendship but something he can't explain.

PINK rose, the rose of mystery. her sweet scent ignites the gardener's heart. a beauty that can bend one's knee and melts down man's soul. In the verge of his searches, the gardener managed to uncover the mysteries of this PINK personality. With the help of his gardening tool (cp) he then unlocked the door of their friendship. The gardener realized that there's something, something weird, a weird feeling within. Then later taking the risk, he tried to plant the PINK rose unto his garden making him able to dig more of her. the gardener felt a remarkable feeling of which he wanted to plant more and more of it. But something had happened, an unexpected one, the gardener discovered something that makes him doubt of the rose he planted. by nature the gardener doesn't believe on what others may say to someone unless he himself discovered it. so, he then continued to plant roses of a PINK kind, but God intervened and made a moment of clear answer. The pink rose suddenly worned out loosing its petals and gone through the garden. The gardener ask the PINK one why? "PINk roses are not made for this garden, you deserve a better rose than a PINK one". the gardener appreciated the response of the PINK beauty, he then confirmed that his doubt was true but nothing has changed on what he really feel for her. that's right, on the other hand he already understand the purpose of God's intervention and the point is, the sweet scent and beauty of a PINK one doesn't fit and can't grow on a land of a gardener's heart. The PINK rose was already planted on other gardeners land.

RED rose, "i love her" ,gardener.

I'm a red rose!

I don't care about the other roses you planted...
You loved me even if I didn't see you,
You care about my happiness even if my happiness is hurting you,
And you pursued me even if you know the chances are bleak.
I am your emotion
The feelings you cannot describe
And best of all, I'm the woman you're inlove with.

Get your filthy feet off our land!

As I rode the jeepney this afternoon, I have come across a Caucasian girl with her "Americanized Filipina" friend. They were talking about how "uncool" Philippines is.

Caucasian Idiot: Cool stuffs are not allowed here in Davao. *Me thinking about the Cigarette Ban*
Unpatriotic Filipina: Yeah...
Caucasian Idiot: Like there's no life here, Where is the light? In Manila, Tessie was talking to me for 10 minutes and I wasn't listening anymore. She said the next time I come there again I should call them and we'll go to this and there and I was like "Yeah, Totally.. Great"... blah blah blah... Back home, you can have a massage and buffet in one place. How cool is that?
Unpatriotic Filipina: I've been there, yeah its cool.
Both: Para!

I swear! I can just stare at them! I wanted to tell them especially to that darn Filipina to get out and talk ill about my place later when they're all alone. It was annoying to see such ugly girls with ugly hearts and empty brains! I can forgive them if they look so great but no! That white girl was wearing a spaghetti top that looks like a pantulog for me and her brandless panties are popping over her dirty capris showing off a fraction of her big tummy. That Filipina is simply so inappropriately dressed! How can you wear a black longsleeved polo on a hot summer day like this? And I wasn't even sure about her gender until she started talking for more then 1 word. Go back from where you came from you two!

that sucks!

I have this guy friend who broke up with his girlfriend for some reasons unknown to me, he must be in a lot of pain now because he kept talking about walang hiya sila, ambot sa ilaha, etc..

Know what he did? He posted all of his exgirlfriend's pics on friendster for everyone to see which includes intimate pictures of him and her, her in a lingerie, etc.. That simply sucks! Guys should never do that to girls no matter how much you're currently hurting because before you were lovers, you were friends first. Anyway, I lack stuffs to write so I thought about sharing this uber ugly truth.

^_^

Top 20 things a guy I like should be:

1. Genuinely loves and fears my own definition of God.
2. Tells me how much he loves me constantly (whether in verbal or written language) even if I shortchangely reply it with a smile.
3. I can punch/pinch/slap/tease him and he would feign nonchalance while finding it amusing even if it did hurt him a little.
4. Makes way just to see me and doesn’t recognize the danger he is in just by visiting me at home.
5. Someone who tells me I'm stupid, maldita, too imperfect, etc. but would still find me amazing amidst it all.
6. Can sing till I fall asleep and is willing to dance just to entertain me even if he feels like a dork.
7. Would never retaliate from my verbal and physical abuse, instead, he laughs at me because I’m no good at it.
8. Never puts me to a test even if I daringly ask him to because he trusts me.
9. Refuses to kill even the most gruesome creatures I’ve known in this planet (eg cockroach, spiders).
10. Listens to my nonsense blabber.
11. Doesn’t recognize the difference between “NO” and “MAYBE”.
12. He too has a lot of amusing stories to tell about the trivial things in his life.
13. Waits for me. Patiently.
14. Holds my hands and I can forever feel content just by that.
15. Thrilled about being introduced to my dead love ones.
16. Readily forgives if I sincerely say sorry.
17. His face lights up whenever I come up to him.
18. Plans “together time” even if I lazily ask him to just stay at home and watch DVDs.
19. Someone I can talk to till 12 midnight and still has a lot to talk about the next morning.
20. Someone that I love in return.

huuuwwaaayy?

niadto mi ug Compostella, nya along the way (dili sa compostella jud) kita ko ug gipambakbak na mga de-cemento na kalsada na murag bago paman to nahimo tapos guwapo na pa jud, kanang dili na kailangan usabon bah.. ana gud... why? as in trafik gud kaau siya... swear! I know election is fast approaching pero pwede dili na hilabtan ang kalsada? if ever dli jud mapugngan, pwede i-widening nlng or any project na dli kau maapektohan unnecessarily ang life sa mga mamamayan? yun lang. Thank you!

insomnia attack

its 3 o'clock am. I can't sleep again because of this darn IA, Rhea is having her post birthday party at Marion's house and I'm stuck here at home trying to be productive. *sigh*